Catchy title huh? Well let's see where this takes us this morning!!
The last couple of months have been interesting, enlightening, and sometimes just flat out weird! When you allow new people into your life, you allow them in on different levels...at least I do! Most people don't normally instantly trust a new friend with their deepest darkest secrets. Like any relationship it's a learning and building process. You get to know people over time. You learn who they are and what you can trust them with. Some new people will never make it beyond the "hey, let's grab a drink sometime" phase. Others will become family. Those are the folks that you would go to the mat for and they will protect you at all costs as well. And sometimes, not very often, but every once in a while, someone slips by the casual friend status and moves closer to your inner circle before you realize that person shouldn't even be allowed near your outer circle, let alone seeing you in a vulnerable position.
I have been doing a lot of observation of people lately...hey, I'm a Scorpio, we watch, we gather information, it's just what we do! And wow, some of the things I have seen have me floored. I just don't understand people sometimes. Like what makes a person feel the need to imitate someone to the point of essentially trying to be them? What makes a friend turn their back on someone they once called a sister? What makes people think they aren't responsible for their own actions? Why do people feel the need to preach forgiveness, but in the next sentence defame someone for their own "gain"? Why do people use their religion or belief system as a means to make others feel bad? These are some of the questions that I have been asking myself lately as I scroll FB or as I hear/see things that are happening around me. So let's break these down and see if we can figure it out!!
Imitation - I touched on this last week a bit. Man, just be yourself. Be your best self you can be. Imitating someone else's mannerisms, style, way of speaking just makes you look like a fake asshat. I get that when we are around people long enough we tend to pick things up. But when you start basically copy and pasting someone else's way of living on to your own, that's a problem. Be true to you. I promise you'll be much happier.
Why do people walk away? Well there are a lot of reasons this could happen. Sometimes we may never know why people come in or leave our lives. The old saying of "people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime" comes to mind. And it's true. I lost a friend that had been like a brother to me for over 30 years. And it hurt, but I realized, he finally had taught me what I needed to learn from that relationship and it was time to move on.
This brings me right into the next thing, taking responsibility for our actions. That friendship I mentioned earlier, that was the biggest issue. People not owning their actions. There are only a couple people that know what happened to the friendship, as I never felt it was necessary to involve other people in it. (Hey, that's just how I roll...my business isn't public business!) Anyway, I digress. My point is, I have seen a lot of people lately not owning their shit. Placing blame, casting stones - we'll come back to this one - and playing the victim. If you do something dumb, then get called out on it, own it, and apologize if necessary. We all do stupid shit from time to time. Grow up, take responsibility for yourself.
I see so many posts or pictures or comments about forgiveness. Forgive others and move on they say. Such sound advice, not often easy to do though. Here's the thing about forgiveness, it's not about the person you are forgiving. It's about you. Are you big enough, strong enough to let go of the pain, the hurt, and ultimately that person? Because once you forgive, you are free and not many are ready for that. I forgave my friend of 30 years for what he did and I hardly even think twice about him anymore. I forgave my ex-wife for cheating on me and while I still make jokes about the situation to certain people, she is hardly a second thought, not even a bad memory, just someone from my past. I forgave someone that I let get too close before they deserved it for stabbing me in the back and destroying a couple friendships. That one was more difficult but holding on to the anger was destroying me. These are just examples of the forgiveness that is being preached but some aren't ready to handle. So instead they talk a big game about it but in the end they keep talking about the person. That can lead to a sticky place...
Libel, slander, and those pesky stones...that whole placing blame on others for something you have done, if severe enough can land you in a whole pile of steaming crap. If a relationship ends, let it end. Stop living in it, stop focusing any time on that situation. Most importantly, unless you have hard evidence, actual proof that someone has done something so egregious to you that you feel you need to share it with the world, keep your false accusations to yourself. No one is perfect. Stop throwing stones, because I can see through your glass walls.
And lastly, that whole messy religion thing. Here's the thing, no matter what religion you are or what your belief system is, if you are using that to make someone else feel bad about themselves, you are doing it wrong. I assure you that God (or your version of a higher power/moral compass) didn't decide to delegate to you the responsibility to be judge, jury and executioner. If you want to talk about your beliefs with someone, talk TO them, not AT them. Trust me, you'll get further that way.
Well that was an interesting trip huh?!?!
I am a work in progress, just like everyone else. We are all constantly growing, changing, learning and hopefully improving ourselves. And if I can offer any advice it is the following: Be yourself. Own your choices. Know your circle. Forgive, let go, and move on from those you disconnect from.
It costs exactly $0.00 to be a decent person.
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