Wow...4+ years...

Man, it's been over 4 years since I've even signed into this. So much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same. 

We all still live in a world of messiness, of pain and joy, heart break and love, sickness and healing, endings and new beginnings. I have experienced all of those things recently, some more so than others. Everything is a down and up, take and give...

Since I last updated, I fell "in love" and got married. I used "quotes" because I don't know that I was ever in love, the more I reflect, the more I realize I settled because I was afraid to be alone anymore. As you can imagine (and if you don't already know) that didn't end well for anyone. Divorce. Something I swore I would never do. I fought hard, but for the wrong reasons. I fought not to keep my wife, but fought to not have to be "divorced". I lived a lie for 3+ years, that wasn't fair to either of us. But we have parted and moved our different directions and are living the lives we were meant to live - without each other!!

I also have sad news to report. In Jan 2015, I lost Dekkster. It was sudden and unexpected and damn near killed me. And just as I was picking myself up off the ground from that, March 2015 rolled in and I lost Myles as well. I'm not sure how to describe the pain, I don't even want to try as I'm afraid of reliving it. But I still have Macie, she is 9 now and my "rescue" Rocco, he is going to be 6 in a couple months. They are my world and they keep mommy happy!!

I have traveled the country over the last month or so visiting old familiar places and people and also exploring new cities and making new friends. I have met so many wonderful people that have brought joy, happiness, and peace to my life. I have let go of people that were causing pain, sorrow, and discontent. That wasn't easy, it never is, but in order to make room for the good, we must remove the bad. 

I have also found God again, not that he was ever "lost"...but I was. And no, I am not and will never be a Bible beating, ram my "religion" down your throat kinda person. I know God, he knows me. That's pretty much all that needs to be said!

Looking forward I do have another cool trip coming up. Hopefully that will go as well as my last one, if not even better!! But how do you top hanging with friends that became family, rock stars, professional athletes, making new friends and discovering yourself again?!?! I have an idea how...we'll see if it pans out!!

Much love until next time...

B A